Q: When Silo Gump graduated from college with a degree in flower growing, he was voted?
A: "The student was most likely to ‘sack seed’." Get it, “succeed”.
A new book about humor describes a scientific experiment searching for the joke that is truly the funniest. One million people rated jokes. CNET blogger Chris Matyszczyk wonders if the winner will make you laugh.
Here is the winning joke:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Humor tips! Learn How to Be Funny Without Telling Jokes at OMTimes.com.
Just in! Following last year’s gag about Miley Cyrus enjoying “twerky” in her Christmas dinner, the TV channel Gold has once again asked the British public for its best new Christmas cr@cker jokes – and this year’s winning entry riffs on Jason Orange’s departure from Take That.
↧
Whats the answer to the joke : when silo gump graduated from college with a degree in flower growing. He was voted....
↧
Why did the farmer's daughter watch the lazy cow
Q: Why did the farmer's daughter watch the lazy cows?
A: She liked seeing the meat loaf!
Joke4Us.com has more cow jokes to entertain you:
Q: Why don't cows have any money? A: Because farmers milk them dry
Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.
Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon? A: The farmer had cold hands.
Q: Why did the cow cross the road? A: To get to the udder side.
Q: What do you call a cow you can't see? A: Camooflauged.
Q: Where do cows go for lunch? A: The calf-eteria.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.
Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school? A: Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A: Milk and Quackers!
Q: Where do you find the most cows? A: Moo-York.
In the news, as part of its plan to reduce U.S. greenhouse gas emissions, the Obama administration is targeting to regulate cow flatulence as part of climate agenda. Read more at Daily Caller.
↧
↧
Answer this question/riddle.... Where do aliens leave their ships. #parkingmeter #spacecraft #riddle
Where do astronauts leave their spaceships? At parking meteors! (meters). Here are some of our favorites: 1) What goes TICK-TICK, WOOF-WOOF? A watchdog! 2) What is smarter than a talking bird? A spelling bee! 3) What is the richest fish? A goldfish. 4) What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad! 5) What's a vampire's favorite sport? Batminton! 6) Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide! Don't forget laughter is the best medicine!
↧
Where do tadpoles in the pawn shop come from #joke #tadpoles #pawnshop
The answer to that joke is from a frog pawned. Get it... ("frog pond").
Of 43,892 monologue jokes about public figures and public affairs tracked by a study conducted by George Mason University's Center for Media and Public Affairs., former President Bill Clinton was the target of 4,607 — about one out of every 10, dating back to 1992. Find out more here.
A recent study in BMJ (formerly the British Medical Journal) reports that too much laughter might not only harm, but kill you. It can dislocate your jaw, prompt asthma attacks, make hernias protrude and cause incontinence. There’s also a report that says it can also lead to cardiac arrhythmia and death. Find out more at amny.com.
↧
Answer this riddle, if you have me, you want to share me if you share me I don't exist #riddle
Its a secret. It's tempting to share but when you do share it, it's not yours alone anymore and the secret no longer is a secret.
DEFINITION of SECRET (from Merriam-Webster):
kept from knowledge or view (hidden)
marked by the habit of discretion (closemouthed)
working with hidden aims or methods (undercover)
not acknowledged
remote from human frequentation or notice (secluded)
revealed only to the initiated (esoteric)
designed to elude observation or detection
containing information whose unauthorized disclosure could endanger national security (confidential, top secret)
ORIGIN of SECRET: 1350–1400; Middle English secrette Old French secret Latin sēcrētus hidden, orig. past participle of sēcernere
Speaking of secret, Hugh Grant 'is now a father of three after having a secret son with a Swedish TV boss.' Read more at the Daily Mail.
↧
↧
Whats the answer to the riddle "What is the difference between a 16-ounce brick and a carpenter?"
We've heard this riddle told several different ways; in addition to:
What is the difference between a 16 ounce brick and a carpenter
We've heard:
• What is the difference between 16 ounces of meat and a drummer boy?
• What is the difference between a grocer selling a pound of sugar and an apothecary's boy with a pestle and mortar?
All have the same answer:
One weighs a pound, and the other pounds away!
It's really a play on words, a kind of joke using a word or words that can have two meanings; in this case pound is used as both a verb and a noun.
Writers Digest offers writing tips and advice with Seven Techniques (And Definitions) For Creating a Play on Words.
↧
Whats the answer to the riddle: what gets longer the more you cut it? #ditch #riddle #joke
A ditch.
This riddle appeared in the WALLY test, born from the World Association of Learning, Laughter, and Youth.
A WALLY test is a set of quick-fire questions. They may look easy, but be warned, they are designed to trick you.
Try to solve the WALLY riddles below:
What is the last thing you take off before going to bed at night?
What was the first name of King George VI of England?
What do you call a fly without wings?
How many squares are there on a standard chessboard?
How many seconds are there in a year?
A man throws a ball three feet, it stops, and then returns to his hand without touching anything. How come?
What was the largest island in the world before Australia was discovered?
Why can a policeman never open the door in his pajamas?
If 5 dogs kill 5 rats in 5 minutes, how long does it take 15 dogs to kill 15 rats?
In Minnesota, which side of the chickens have more feathers?
So, how did you fair? Find the answers and rate your score here.
So you think you are clever, right? Then here is your chance to pit your brain against some of the world's hardest logic puzzles ever created, featured at Gizmodo.com
Tips! Learn how to answer hard and tricky riddles at Howtodothings.com
↧
What happened when the ghost disappeared in a fog? #ghost #fog #joke
The answer to that joke is He was mist (He was missed).
If you believe in ghosts, you're not alone: A Gallup poll found that 37 percent of Americans believe in haunted houses, and about one-third believe in ghosts. Tens of thousands of people around the world actively search for ghosts as a hobby with 2,000 active amateur ghost-hunting groups in America. Read more at Live Science.
According to MiamiHerald.com, a southwest Florida couple says a "harmless" ghost is included in the sale of their historic home. Sellers tell the Sarasota Herald-Tribune that they were alerted to the supernatural presence when they bought the Punt@ Gorda home in 2001. Find out more here.
↧
Whats the answer to the riddle "What is the difference between a 16-ounce brick and a carpenter?"
We've heard this riddle told several different ways; in addition to:
What is the difference between a 16 ounce brick and a carpenter
We've heard:
• What is the difference between 16 ounces of meat and a drummer boy?
• What is the difference between a grocer selling a pound of sugar and an apothecary's boy with a pestle and mortar?
All have the same answer:
One weighs a pound, and the other pounds away!
It's really a play on words, a kind of joke using a word or words that can have two meanings; in this case pound is used as both a verb and a noun.
Writers Digest offers writing tips and advice with Seven Techniques (And Definitions) For Creating a Play on Words.
↧
↧
What did the baby buzzard say when it saw an orange in the nest? #baby #buzzard #nest
Question: What did the baby buzzard say when it saw an orange in the nest?
Answer: "Look at the orange mama laid!" (Referring to "orange marmalade")
Try some of these math riddles:
You have 7 tennis b@lls that are all identical but one of them is slightly lighter than the others. Using a balance scale and only two separate weightings, how can you find the light tennis ball?
Two boys, Trevor and Tyler, are running a 100 meter race. The first time they race Trevor beats Tyler by 5 meters. To make things fair, the next time they race Trevor stands 5 meters behind the starting line. Who wins the second race (assuming they run the same speed as the first race)?
There are five hen and rooster pairs. Each pair has one baby every month. How many chickens will there be in one year?
There are 100 passengers boarding a 100 passenger airplane. When passenger 1 gets onto the plane, he is disoriented, so he randomly picks a seat. Each of the remaining passengers (2, 3, 4, etc.) get onto the plane and take their seat if it is available or picks one of the remaining seats at random if it is not. What is the chance that the last passenger (passenger 100) will get his seat?
You can view the answers at Good Riddles Now.
The single most important thing to remember when attempting to solve hard riddles is that they are meant to trick you. Learn to answer hard and tricky riddles at Howtodothings.com.
Of interest, according to a new report published by the Boston-based research group Pioneer Institute, the Common Core math standards will not prepare U.S. students for advanced math classes that, consequently, will see lower enrollments. This situation, the report’s authors say, will ultimately lead to a dumbing down of college STEM curricula. Read more here.
↧
what did the boy measuring stick say when he saw the girl measuring stick? #joke
The most common punchlines to this joke are: "pleased to metre you", "nice to meter you" and "there’s trouble a foot".
In 2002, the world’s funniest joke was discovered by Richard Wiseman in collaboration with The British Science Association. They made a year-long online search for the world's funniest joke. There we're 40,000 entries, submitted by people from more than 70 countries. But the entry submitted by a psychiatrist in Manchester, England, prevailed, with 65 per cent. Here it is:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
According to Wiseman, this joke won because "This one had real universal appeal." It appeals to people in many countries, to men and women, and young and old alike.
From TIME, Joe Biden helped kick off Seth Meyers’ tenure as host of NBC’s "Late Night" with a joke about the 2016 presidential race. Find out more here.
↧
Whats the answer to the riddle "What is the difference between a 16-ounce brick and a carpenter?"
We've heard this riddle told several different ways; in addition to:
What is the difference between a 16 ounce brick and a carpenter
We've heard:
• What is the difference between 16 ounces of meat and a drummer boy?
• What is the difference between a grocer selling a pound of sugar and an apothecary's boy with a pestle and mortar?
All have the same answer:
One weighs a pound, and the other pounds away!
It's really a play on words, a kind of joke using a word or words that can have two meanings; in this case pound is used as both a verb and a noun.
Writers Digest offers writing tips and advice with Seven Techniques (And Definitions) For Creating a Play on Words.
↧
What do you call it whem a bull eats a bomb #bomb #bull
Q: What do you call it when a bull eats a bomb?
A: Abominable! (a-bomb-in-a-bull) haha!!
Here's another bull joke to amuse you:
New Bull : Jokes via kwout
Every April Fools Day we are presented with outlandish technology products that we know deep-down inside are farces, yet, we somehow almost always want to believe they are true. Let’s take a look at this year’s best technology April Fools jokes of 2014 at Inventorspot.com.
↧
↧
what were the headlines after a 3 foot 10 inch fortuneteller escaped from jail #headline #headlines
The headline was "Small Medium at Large!" Try this: My dog has no nose. Then how does he smell? Awful!
↧
Teeth is to hen as nest is to what? explain why #hen #nest #teeth #mare
Answer: Teeth is to hen as nest is to MARE.
According to sources, the expression "as scarce as hen’s teeth" is a colorful idiom meaning “nonexistent” because hens do not have teeth. The original meaning of "mare's nest" is something illusory; a hoax or fraud.
The expression “to find a mare’s nest” means to come upon something fraudulent or deceptive, like a hoax. You expected something real, but you found a mare’s nest.
Check out a list of idioms and idiomatic expressions at UsingEnglish.com.
Of interest, idioms, aka proverbs, have long infiltrated and colored our language, often confusing children and foreigners alike. But what of them? Many, still lodged in the agricultural age, are outdated and in need of some modernization.
Check out a few popular phrases or idioms that belong to a different era at
The Huffington Post.
↧
Why did the farmer's daughter watch the lazy cow
Q: Why did the farmer's daughter watch the lazy cows?
A: She liked seeing the meat loaf!
Joke4Us.com has more cow jokes to entertain you:
Q: Why don't cows have any money? A: Because farmers milk them dry
Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.
Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon? A: The farmer had cold hands.
Q: Why did the cow cross the road? A: To get to the udder side.
Q: What do you call a cow you can't see? A: Camooflauged.
Q: Where do cows go for lunch? A: The calf-eteria.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.
Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school? A: Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A: Milk and Quackers!
Q: Where do you find the most cows? A: Moo-York.
In the news, as part of its plan to reduce U.S. greenhouse gas emissions, the Obama administration is targeting to regulate cow flatulence as part of climate agenda. Read more at Daily Caller.
↧
Whats the answer to the riddle: what gets longer the more you cut it? #ditch #riddle #joke
A ditch.
This riddle appeared in the WALLY test, born from the World Association of Learning, Laughter, and Youth.
A WALLY test is a set of quick-fire questions. They may look easy, but be warned, they are designed to trick you.
Try to solve the WALLY riddles below:
What is the last thing you take off before going to bed at night?
What was the first name of King George VI of England?
What do you call a fly without wings?
How many squares are there on a standard chessboard?
How many seconds are there in a year?
A man throws a ball three feet, it stops, and then returns to his hand without touching anything. How come?
What was the largest island in the world before Australia was discovered?
Why can a policeman never open the door in his pajamas?
If 5 dogs kill 5 rats in 5 minutes, how long does it take 15 dogs to kill 15 rats?
In Minnesota, which side of the chickens have more feathers?
So, how did you fair? Find the answers and rate your score here.
So you think you are clever, right? Then here is your chance to pit your brain against some of the world's hardest logic puzzles ever created, featured at Gizmodo.com
Tips! Learn how to answer hard and tricky riddles at Howtodothings.com
↧
↧
What do you call it whem a bull eats a bomb #bomb #bull
Q: What do you call it when a bull eats a bomb?
A: Abominable! (a-bomb-in-a-bull) haha!!
Here's another bull joke to amuse you:
New Bull : Jokes via kwout
Every April Fools Day we are presented with outlandish technology products that we know deep-down inside are farces, yet, we somehow almost always want to believe they are true. Let’s take a look at this year’s best technology April Fools jokes of 2014 at Inventorspot.com.
↧
What do you call a message printed on a lion with chickenpox #riddles #chickenpox
The answer is Sign on the dotted lion!Get it...sign on the dotted line.
Check the answer by solving algebraic equations here.
Algebra is not high on the list of most people's favorite things to do. But creative teachers of algebra know how to teach this subject; they are adding, Pizzazz, puzzles that are designed so that students will construct a joke or unscramble the answer to a riddle in the process of checking their answers. That makes their students look forward to coming to class.
According to CNN, children in Asian countries are on average better problem solvers than their European and American peers, according to a new study by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development. Find out more here.
↧
Why did the donkey get a passport #talkingbird #spellingbee #donkey
Why did the donkey get a passport? One of the reasons could be he wanted to be a travel burro haha!
Duckesters.com has a giant list of jokes, puns, and riddles for children!
Donkeys in the UK and Europe actually have a "passport" to ensure that they will not enter the food chain, according to the Donkey Sanctuary! The forms require a silhouette drawing of the animal with a written description emphasizing distinctive markings.
Like donkeys? Check out the book titled "Saving Simon: How a Rescue Donkey Taught Me the Meaning of Compassion" by New York Times best-selling author Jon Katz. Read a review of it from USA Today.
↧