Question: What did the baby buzzard say when it saw an orange in the nest?
Answer: "Look at the orange mama laid!" (Referring to "orange marmalade")
Try some of these math riddles:
You have 7 tennis b@lls that are all identical but one of them is slightly lighter than the others. Using a balance scale and only two separate weightings, how can you find the light tennis ball?
Two boys, Trevor and Tyler, are running a 100 meter race. The first time they race Trevor beats Tyler by 5 meters. To make things fair, the next time they race Trevor stands 5 meters behind the starting line. Who wins the second race (assuming they run the same speed as the first race)?
There are five hen and rooster pairs. Each pair has one baby every month. How many chickens will there be in one year?
There are 100 passengers boarding a 100 passenger airplane. When passenger 1 gets onto the plane, he is disoriented, so he randomly picks a seat. Each of the remaining passengers (2, 3, 4, etc.) get onto the plane and take their seat if it is available or picks one of the remaining seats at random if it is not. What is the chance that the last passenger (passenger 100) will get his seat?
You can view the answers at Good Riddles Now.
The single most important thing to remember when attempting to solve hard riddles is that they are meant to trick you. Learn to answer hard and tricky riddles at Howtodothings.com.
Of interest, according to a new report published by the Boston-based research group Pioneer Institute, the Common Core math standards will not prepare U.S. students for advanced math classes that, consequently, will see lower enrollments. This situation, the report’s authors say, will ultimately lead to a dumbing down of college STEM curricula. Read more here.
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What did the baby buzzard say when it saw an orange in the nest? #baby #buzzard #nest
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What are the top 10 funniest jokes in the world? #jokes
Top 10 Funniest Jokes of All Time:
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy l!cked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him.""Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty.""This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married.""Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?""Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’.""No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?""Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?""Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.""I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
A guy meets a h00ker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the f*ckin’ French toast."
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, $uck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."
See complete list of 100 Funniest jokes of All Time at Blue Donut.
Tip! Check out joke writing techniques with interactive online tutorials, books, tapes, long-distance coaching and writing by Jim Richardson.
Speaking of jokes, Sony Pictures Co-Chair Amy Pascal and Hollywood uber-producer Scott Rudin have been backpedaling mightily to distance themselves from their embarrassing email banter over President Barack Obama's fantasy film favorites.
As the free world knows by now - thanks to a targeted hack of Sony's computers - the two executives joked in advance of a breakfast with the president in November that Obama's top movie choices might be those with black themes, including "Django Unchained,""12 Years a Slave,""The Butler" or "Think Like a Man." Rudin suggested the president might particularly like Kevin Hart, the motor-mouthed comic star of "Ride Along." Catch more of the story at McClatchy DC.
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What is the meaning of RSTUV #select #read
RSTUV is a five-step approach to use to solve math word problems. It stands for Read, Select, Think, Use, and Verify.
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What did the math teacher say after spending 8 hours in the ice and snow #snow #ice #riddles
Q: What did the math teacher say after spending 8 hours in the ice and snow?
This question appeared in Math worksheets with pizzazz which provide puzzles for students to solve while using math skills at grade level.
The answer could be "I am a numb brr or I feel like a numb brr or whatever phrase that fits the puzzle. The word number (numb brr) should appear in the answer. (It is of course a play on “number”.)
Try to find the solution for this What Did the Math Teacher Say After Spending 8 Hours in the Ice and Snow question.
It is difficult to recommend better methods for studying and for learning Algebra because the best methods vary from person to person. Read AlgebraHelp.com's tips which can be the foundation to a good Algebra study program.
In the news, more than 100,000 Arizona students failed the math portion of the Arizona Instrument to Measure Standards this year – more than five times as many than those who failed reading. Read more at azcentral.
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Where do tadpoles in the pawn shop come from #joke #tadpoles #pawnshop
The answer to that joke is from a frog pawned. Get it... ("frog pond").
Of 43,892 monologue jokes about public figures and public affairs tracked by a study conducted by George Mason University's Center for Media and Public Affairs., former President Bill Clinton was the target of 4,607 — about one out of every 10, dating back to 1992. Find out more here.
A recent study in BMJ (formerly the British Medical Journal) reports that too much laughter might not only harm, but kill you. It can dislocate your jaw, prompt asthma attacks, make hernias protrude and cause incontinence. There’s also a report that says it can also lead to cardiac arrhythmia and death. Find out more at amny.com.
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Answer this riddle, if you have me, you want to share me if you share me I don't exist #riddle
Its a secret. It's tempting to share but when you do share it, it's not yours alone anymore and the secret no longer is a secret.
DEFINITION of SECRET (from Merriam-Webster):
kept from knowledge or view (hidden)
marked by the habit of discretion (closemouthed)
working with hidden aims or methods (undercover)
not acknowledged
remote from human frequentation or notice (secluded)
revealed only to the initiated (esoteric)
designed to elude observation or detection
containing information whose unauthorized disclosure could endanger national security (confidential, top secret)
ORIGIN of SECRET: 1350–1400; Middle English secrette Old French secret Latin sēcrētus hidden, orig. past participle of sēcernere
Speaking of secret, Hugh Grant 'is now a father of three after having a secret son with a Swedish TV boss.' Read more at the Daily Mail.
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Whats the answer to the joke : when silo gump graduated from college with a degree in flower growing. He was voted....
Q: When Silo Gump graduated from college with a degree in flower growing, he was voted?
A: "The student was most likely to ‘sack seed’." Get it, “succeed”.
A new book about humor describes a scientific experiment searching for the joke that is truly the funniest. One million people rated jokes. CNET blogger Chris Matyszczyk wonders if the winner will make you laugh.
Here is the winning joke:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Humor tips! Learn How to Be Funny Without Telling Jokes at OMTimes.com.
Just in! Following last year’s gag about Miley Cyrus enjoying “twerky” in her Christmas dinner, the TV channel Gold has once again asked the British public for its best new Christmas cr@cker jokes – and this year’s winning entry riffs on Jason Orange’s departure from Take That.
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Why did the girl attorney stop dating the boy attorney #joke #riddle
Here are the popular answers to the riddle "Why did the girl attorney stop dating the boy attorney?":
Because they had a conflict of interest.
Because she didn't like his briefs.
Because he lost his appeal.
Try this:
Why didn't Mrs. Skeleton leave Mr. Skeleton?
Why don't fish go near a computer?
Why did the android go to a psychologist?
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Arithmetic go to a counselor?
Why is a bulldog like an auctioneer?
Why did Zorro engage in so many sword fights?
Why did the witch go out into the desert?
Why didn't the shark have to pay cash at the checkout counter?
Find the answers here.
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How might a pcychiaytist describe a paper plate #psychiatrist #punchline
Q: How might a psychiatrist describe a paper plate?
A: It's dishfunctional (haha!!) (play on "dysfunctional")
Here's some psychologist and psychiatrist jokes from Workjoke.com:
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"
Neurotics build castles in the sky. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists collect the rent.
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
In joke buzz, comedienne Joan Rivers joked about seven-month-old Nori - Kim Kardashian's daughter with rapper fiancé Kanye West as part of her latest stand-up comedy routine. Read more at the Daily Mail.
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(the riddle) Why are there no wal-marts in a war zone? #warzone #targets #funny #riddle #war
The solution to the riddle “Why are there no Walmarts in a war zone?” is “There is no Walmarts in a war zone because they are all Targets.” The first Walmart store opened in Rogers, Arkansas in 1962. They now have nearly 10,000 stores worldwide. Target opened its first store in Roseville, Minnesota in 1962. They currently have about 1,750 stores in the US.
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Why did the donkey get a passport #talkingbird #spellingbee #donkey
Why did the donkey get a passport? One of the reasons could be he wanted to be a travel burro haha!
Duckesters.com has a giant list of jokes, puns, and riddles for children!
Donkeys in the UK and Europe actually have a "passport" to ensure that they will not enter the food chain, according to the Donkey Sanctuary! The forms require a silhouette drawing of the animal with a written description emphasizing distinctive markings.
Like donkeys? Check out the book titled "Saving Simon: How a Rescue Donkey Taught Me the Meaning of Compassion" by New York Times best-selling author Jon Katz. Read a review of it from USA Today.
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Why did the backpacker carry a flashlight? and why didnt the piano work?
Question: Why did the backpacker carry a flashlight? Answer: He wanted to lighten his load.
Question: Why didn't the piano work? Because it only knew how to play.
Here are a few more jokes with a clever play on words:
Question: Why did the baker work overtime? Answer: Because he kneaded the dough.
Question: Why did the burglar break into a music shop? Answer: He wanted to get his hands on the lute.
Question: Why did the bat miss the bus? Answer: Because he hung around for too long.
Believe it or not, laughter is good for you. Just 10 to 15 minutes of it raises your heart rate between 10% and 20% helping burn an extra 10 to 40 calories a day. That's a four-pound weight loss over a year!
Speaking of jokes, a re-lease of Anchorman 2 plans to have audiences in stitches with its 763 new ones. Visit USA Today for more details.
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This is a riddle.where does the smell of a skunk go? #skunk #smell
No one nose!! Another riddle: How do you keep a skunk from smelling? Plug their nose!!
Skunks are legendary for their hard-to-remove, horrible-smelling spray that is produced by glands under their tail. There are many different kinds of skunks that come in a variety of sizes and patterns, however, they are all black and white. Skunks usually nest in burrows and give birth to between 2 and 10 young a year called kits. They eat fruit and plants, worms, insects, eggs, larvae, reptiles, small mammals, and even fish.
Most all types of skunks live in the Americas, except for the Asian stink badgers, which were recently added to the skunk family!
On September 6, 2012, middle schoolers in Milwaukee came close to getting sprayed when they found a skunk with its head stuck in a wide-mouth plastic jar. The little guy eventually freed itself and ran off, without spraying the students.
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Whats the answer to the riddle "What is the difference between a 16-ounce brick and a carpenter?"
We've heard this riddle told several different ways; in addition to:
What is the difference between a 16 ounce brick and a carpenter
We've heard:
• What is the difference between 16 ounces of meat and a drummer boy?
• What is the difference between a grocer selling a pound of sugar and an apothecary's boy with a pestle and mortar?
All have the same answer:
One weighs a pound, and the other pounds away!
It's really a play on words, a kind of joke using a word or words that can have two meanings; in this case pound is used as both a verb and a noun.
Writers Digest offers writing tips and advice with Seven Techniques (And Definitions) For Creating a Play on Words.
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What is the answer to the math worksheet joke: what do you call it when the nurse gives you a shot you hardly feel?
Q: What do you call it when the nurse gives you a shot you hardly feel?
A: A number! (Get it? Numb-er!)
For free Math Worksheets, you can generate printable sheets for a multitude of topics here.
Treat yourself with these "20 Spectacularly Nerdy Math Jokes" featured at Buzzfeed.com.
In math news, discover how a writer used math to find love online at The Washington Post.
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Teeth is to hen as nest is to what? explain why #hen #nest #teeth #mare
Answer: Teeth is to hen as nest is to MARE.
According to sources, the expression "as scarce as hen’s teeth" is a colorful idiom meaning “nonexistent” because hens do not have teeth. The original meaning of "mare's nest" is something illusory; a hoax or fraud.
The expression “to find a mare’s nest” means to come upon something fraudulent or deceptive, like a hoax. You expected something real, but you found a mare’s nest.
Check out a list of idioms and idiomatic expressions at UsingEnglish.com.
Of interest, idioms, aka proverbs, have long infiltrated and colored our language, often confusing children and foreigners alike. But what of them? Many, still lodged in the agricultural age, are outdated and in need of some modernization.
Check out a few popular phrases or idioms that belong to a different era at
The Huffington Post.
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What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind? Objective 5. ALGEBRA WITH PIZZAZ
Question: What do they call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from the back? Answer: A tailgator. Get it..."tailgater".
You can also check the answer using simplified algebraic expressions here.
Algebra is not high on the list of most people's favorite things to do, so creative teachers use pizzazz to make this subject fun. They make puzzles that are designed so that students will construct a joke or unscramble the answer to a riddle in the process of checking their answers.
New Blog 3: Algebra With Pizzazz via kwout
Of interest, the new math app from BinaryLabs, Dexteria Dots, has been named the Best New App in Education by Apple, and is being featured on the App Store. Find out more here.
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Whats the answer to the riddle "What is the difference between a 16-ounce brick and a carpenter?"
We've heard this riddle told several different ways; in addition to:
What is the difference between a 16 ounce brick and a carpenter
We've heard:
• What is the difference between 16 ounces of meat and a drummer boy?
• What is the difference between a grocer selling a pound of sugar and an apothecary's boy with a pestle and mortar?
All have the same answer:
One weighs a pound, and the other pounds away!
It's really a play on words, a kind of joke using a word or words that can have two meanings; in this case pound is used as both a verb and a noun.
Writers Digest offers writing tips and advice with Seven Techniques (And Definitions) For Creating a Play on Words.
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Where do tadpoles in the pawn shop come from #joke #tadpoles #pawnshop
The answer to that joke is from a frog pawned. Get it... ("frog pond").
Of 43,892 monologue jokes about public figures and public affairs tracked by a study conducted by George Mason University's Center for Media and Public Affairs., former President Bill Clinton was the target of 4,607 — about one out of every 10, dating back to 1992. Find out more here.
A recent study in BMJ (formerly the British Medical Journal) reports that too much laughter might not only harm, but kill you. It can dislocate your jaw, prompt asthma attacks, make hernias protrude and cause incontinence. There’s also a report that says it can also lead to cardiac arrhythmia and death. Find out more at amny.com.
↧
Teeth is to hen as nest is to what? explain why #hen #nest #teeth #mare
Answer: Teeth is to hen as nest is to MARE.
According to sources, the expression "as scarce as hen’s teeth" is a colorful idiom meaning “nonexistent” because hens do not have teeth. The original meaning of "mare's nest" is something illusory; a hoax or fraud.
The expression “to find a mare’s nest” means to come upon something fraudulent or deceptive, like a hoax. You expected something real, but you found a mare’s nest.
Check out a list of idioms and idiomatic expressions at UsingEnglish.com.
Of interest, idioms, aka proverbs, have long infiltrated and colored our language, often confusing children and foreigners alike. But what of them? Many, still lodged in the agricultural age, are outdated and in need of some modernization.
Check out a few popular phrases or idioms that belong to a different era at
The Huffington Post.
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