Q: Why did the farmer's daughter watch the lazy cows?
A: She liked seeing the meat loaf!
Joke4Us.com has more cow jokes to entertain you:
Q: Why don't cows have any money? A: Because farmers milk them dry
Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? A: An animal that's in a baaaaaaaad moooooood.
Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon? A: The farmer had cold hands.
Q: Why did the cow cross the road? A: To get to the udder side.
Q: What do you call a cow you can't see? A: Camooflauged.
Q: Where do cows go for lunch? A: The calf-eteria.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.
Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school? A: Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A: Milk and Quackers!
Q: Where do you find the most cows? A: Moo-York.
In the news, as part of its plan to reduce U.S. greenhouse gas emissions, the Obama administration is targeting to regulate cow flatulence as part of climate agenda. Read more at Daily Caller.
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Why did the farmer's daughter watch the lazy cow
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Why do cowboys have so much trouble with math? Do u know this answer its on my work? #cattle #riddle
Q: Why do cowboys have so much trouble with math?
A: Because they always round things up!! (Get it? They "round up" cattle, horses and so on.)
Read some of the best and most fun math riddles at Jokes4Us.com. You can also check this pdf page of Henry Adams' collection of math riddles.
For practice, play math games and solve math worksheets online at Multiplication.com.
Get tips on how to study mathematics and how to approach problem-solving from SLU.edu.
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What did the scout say after fixing the little old ladys bicycle horn? #beep #bicycle #vehicle #horn
Question: What did the scout say after fixing the little old lady’s bicycle horn?
Answer: Beep repaired! (from the scout motto, "Be Prepared")
Try this:
When is a cub scout like a cabinet?
What do you call a cub scout holding a Frisbee?
What do you call a cub scout who carries another cub scout on his shoulders?
How did the cub scout look when he forgot to take his jacket on the mountain hike?
What do cub scouts get during winter camp?
Find the answers at Boy Scout Trail.
Get joke-telling tips at Comic Wonder.
Speaking of jokes, known for pushing boundaries throughout his career, comedian and actor Chris Rock got some very uncomfortable laughs when he opened his “Saturday Night Live” monologue with a joke about the Boston Marathon bombings recently. Check out the video at Boston Globe.
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what were the headlines after a 3 foot 10 inch fortuneteller escaped from jail #headline #headlines
The headline was "Small Medium at Large!" Try this: My dog has no nose. Then how does he smell? Awful!
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What did the policeman tell the burglar in the bathroom? #policeman #riddles #trousers #jokes
Q: What did the policeman tell the burglar in the bathroom?
A: Come out with your pants up! (Come out with your hands up!)
Want more? Get amused with loads of police jokes and more, ranging in topics from scary criminals to drunks at Aha Jokes - Police Jokes.
In joke buzz, a sandwich shop owner endured eight hours of questioning by police and had his computer seized for three weeks – after making tasteless Nelson Mandela jokes on the internet. Read more at the Daily Mail.
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Whats the answer to the joke : when silo gump graduated from college with a degree in flower growing. He was voted....
Q: When Silo Gump graduated from college with a degree in flower growing, he was voted?
A: "The student was most likely to ‘sack seed’." Get it, “succeed”.
A new book about humor describes a scientific experiment searching for the joke that is truly the funniest. One million people rated jokes. CNET blogger Chris Matyszczyk wonders if the winner will make you laugh.
Here is the winning joke:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Humor tips! Learn How to Be Funny Without Telling Jokes at OMTimes.com.
Just in! Following last year’s gag about Miley Cyrus enjoying “twerky” in her Christmas dinner, the TV channel Gold has once again asked the British public for its best new Christmas cr@cker jokes – and this year’s winning entry riffs on Jason Orange’s departure from Take That.
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What is the last name of erotic model Beshine?
Must be 18: Beshine's real name is not known. She is a 28 yr old German adult model. She is well known for her large breasts.
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Why do cowboys have so much trouble with math? Do u know this answer its on my work? #cattle #riddle
Q: Why do cowboys have so much trouble with math?
A: Because they always round things up!! (Get it? They "round up" cattle, horses and so on.)
Read some of the best and most fun math riddles at Jokes4Us.com. You can also check this pdf page of Henry Adams' collection of math riddles.
For practice, play math games and solve math worksheets online at Multiplication.com.
Get tips on how to study mathematics and how to approach problem-solving from SLU.edu.
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What are the top 10 funniest jokes in the world? #jokes
Top 10 Funniest Jokes of All Time:
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy l!cked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him.""Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty.""This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married.""Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?""Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’.""No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?""Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?""Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.""I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
A guy meets a h00ker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the f*ckin’ French toast."
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, $uck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."
See complete list of 100 Funniest jokes of All Time at Blue Donut.
Tip! Check out joke writing techniques with interactive online tutorials, books, tapes, long-distance coaching and writing by Jim Richardson.
Speaking of jokes, Sony Pictures Co-Chair Amy Pascal and Hollywood uber-producer Scott Rudin have been backpedaling mightily to distance themselves from their embarrassing email banter over President Barack Obama's fantasy film favorites.
As the free world knows by now - thanks to a targeted hack of Sony's computers - the two executives joked in advance of a breakfast with the president in November that Obama's top movie choices might be those with black themes, including "Django Unchained,""12 Years a Slave,""The Butler" or "Think Like a Man." Rudin suggested the president might particularly like Kevin Hart, the motor-mouthed comic star of "Ride Along." Catch more of the story at McClatchy DC.
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How might a pcychiaytist describe a paper plate #psychiatrist #punchline
Q: How might a psychiatrist describe a paper plate?
A: It's dishfunctional (haha!!) (play on "dysfunctional")
Here's some psychologist and psychiatrist jokes from Workjoke.com:
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"
Neurotics build castles in the sky. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists collect the rent.
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
In joke buzz, comedienne Joan Rivers joked about seven-month-old Nori - Kim Kardashian's daughter with rapper fiancé Kanye West as part of her latest stand-up comedy routine. Read more at the Daily Mail.
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What is the answer to the math worksheet joke: what do you call it when the nurse gives you a shot you hardly feel?
Q: What do you call it when the nurse gives you a shot you hardly feel?
A: A number! (Get it? Numb-er!)
For free Math Worksheets, you can generate printable sheets for a multitude of topics here.
Treat yourself with these "20 Spectacularly Nerdy Math Jokes" featured at Buzzfeed.com.
In math news, discover how a writer used math to find love online at The Washington Post.
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What happened when the crossword puzzle champion died #joke
Q: What happened when the crossword puzzle champion died?
A: They buried him six down and eight across.
Of interest, Dan Feyer is currently the champion of The American Crossword Puzzle Tournament, the largest and oldest U.S. crossword-solving tournament held annually in late February or early March. Watch Dan show his skills in the video below.
The crossword puzzle had just celebrated its 100th birthday! Discover the roots of a hobby that wasn't expected to last at The Washington Post.
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what were the headlines after a 3 foot 10 inch fortuneteller escaped from jail #headline #headlines
The headline was "Small Medium at Large!" Try this: My dog has no nose. Then how does he smell? Awful!
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What are the top 10 funniest jokes in the world? #jokes
Top 10 Funniest Jokes of All Time:
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy l!cked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him.""Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty.""This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married.""Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?""Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’.""No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?""Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?""Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.""I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
A guy meets a h00ker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the f*ckin’ French toast."
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, $uck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."
See complete list of 100 Funniest jokes of All Time at Blue Donut.
Tip! Check out joke writing techniques with interactive online tutorials, books, tapes, long-distance coaching and writing by Jim Richardson.
Speaking of jokes, Sony Pictures Co-Chair Amy Pascal and Hollywood uber-producer Scott Rudin have been backpedaling mightily to distance themselves from their embarrassing email banter over President Barack Obama's fantasy film favorites.
As the free world knows by now - thanks to a targeted hack of Sony's computers - the two executives joked in advance of a breakfast with the president in November that Obama's top movie choices might be those with black themes, including "Django Unchained,""12 Years a Slave,""The Butler" or "Think Like a Man." Rudin suggested the president might particularly like Kevin Hart, the motor-mouthed comic star of "Ride Along." Catch more of the story at McClatchy DC.
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How many girlfriends did Martin Luther king have #activism #martinlutherking #girlfriends
Dr Martin Luther King Jr number of girlfriends not published. He is an American clergyman, activist and leader of civil rights movement. Wife was Coretta Scott.
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What did the math teacher say after spending 8 hours in the ice and snow #snow #ice #riddles
Q: What did the math teacher say after spending 8 hours in the ice and snow?
This question appeared in Math worksheets with pizzazz which provide puzzles for students to solve while using math skills at grade level.
The answer could be "I am a numb brr or I feel like a numb brr or whatever phrase that fits the puzzle. The word number (numb brr) should appear in the answer. (It is of course a play on “number”.)
Try to find the solution for this What Did the Math Teacher Say After Spending 8 Hours in the Ice and Snow question.
It is difficult to recommend better methods for studying and for learning Algebra because the best methods vary from person to person. Read AlgebraHelp.com's tips which can be the foundation to a good Algebra study program.
In the news, more than 100,000 Arizona students failed the math portion of the Arizona Instrument to Measure Standards this year – more than five times as many than those who failed reading. Read more at azcentral.
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What do you call a bar of soap that doesnt clean its a joke #joke
The joke goes like this: What do you call a bar of soap that doesn't clean? A rubba dub DUD!
Here's a few more jokes about soap:
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a packet of soap powder? Bubble and Squeak!
Why did the stupid sailor grab a bar of soap when his ship sank? He thought he could wash himself ashore!
How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face? I forgot to wet the soap!
Want more good, clean jokes for any age? Visit Aha Jokes.
Speaking of jokes, American Pie star Jason Biggs is facing public scrutiny after tweeting a rather tastless one linking the reality show The Bachelor and the missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370. Learn more from News.com.au.
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What happened when the ghost disappeared in a fog? #ghost #fog #joke
The answer to that joke is He was mist (He was missed).
If you believe in ghosts, you're not alone: A Gallup poll found that 37 percent of Americans believe in haunted houses, and about one-third believe in ghosts. Tens of thousands of people around the world actively search for ghosts as a hobby with 2,000 active amateur ghost-hunting groups in America. Read more at Live Science.
According to MiamiHerald.com, a southwest Florida couple says a "harmless" ghost is included in the sale of their historic home. Sellers tell the Sarasota Herald-Tribune that they were alerted to the supernatural presence when they bought the Punt@ Gorda home in 2001. Find out more here.
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what did the boy measuring stick say when he saw the girl measuring stick? #joke
The most common punchlines to this joke are: "pleased to metre you", "nice to meter you" and "there’s trouble a foot".
In 2002, the world’s funniest joke was discovered by Richard Wiseman in collaboration with The British Science Association. They made a year-long online search for the world's funniest joke. There we're 40,000 entries, submitted by people from more than 70 countries. But the entry submitted by a psychiatrist in Manchester, England, prevailed, with 65 per cent. Here it is:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
According to Wiseman, this joke won because "This one had real universal appeal." It appeals to people in many countries, to men and women, and young and old alike.
From TIME, Joe Biden helped kick off Seth Meyers’ tenure as host of NBC’s "Late Night" with a joke about the 2016 presidential race. Find out more here.
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(the riddle) Why are there no wal-marts in a war zone? #warzone #targets #funny #riddle #war
The solution to the riddle “Why are there no Walmarts in a war zone?” is “There is no Walmarts in a war zone because they are all Targets.” The first Walmart store opened in Rogers, Arkansas in 1962. They now have nearly 10,000 stores worldwide. Target opened its first store in Roseville, Minnesota in 1962. They currently have about 1,750 stores in the US.
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