The answer to the joke, "What did the teenage yardstick say to its parents" is "I want to stand on my own three feet!"
Here's a few more math jokes:
Q: Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
A: Because it had more cents.
Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: Because it had too many problems.
Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat?
A: Square meals!
Q: Why didn't the two 4's want any dinner?
A: Because they already 8!
Want more funny, clean jokes for any age? Visit Aha Jokes.
In the news, an air traffic controller is in hot water for joking around while giving a pilot instructions about landing a commercial plane. Get the scoop from USA Today.
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What did the teenage yardstick say to its parents
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What did the baby buzzard say when it saw an orange in the nest? #baby #buzzard #nest
Question: What did the baby buzzard say when it saw an orange in the nest?
Answer: "Look at the orange mama laid!" (Referring to "orange marmalade")
Try some of these math riddles:
You have 7 tennis b@lls that are all identical but one of them is slightly lighter than the others. Using a balance scale and only two separate weightings, how can you find the light tennis ball?
Two boys, Trevor and Tyler, are running a 100 meter race. The first time they race Trevor beats Tyler by 5 meters. To make things fair, the next time they race Trevor stands 5 meters behind the starting line. Who wins the second race (assuming they run the same speed as the first race)?
There are five hen and rooster pairs. Each pair has one baby every month. How many chickens will there be in one year?
There are 100 passengers boarding a 100 passenger airplane. When passenger 1 gets onto the plane, he is disoriented, so he randomly picks a seat. Each of the remaining passengers (2, 3, 4, etc.) get onto the plane and take their seat if it is available or picks one of the remaining seats at random if it is not. What is the chance that the last passenger (passenger 100) will get his seat?
You can view the answers at Good Riddles Now.
The single most important thing to remember when attempting to solve hard riddles is that they are meant to trick you. Learn to answer hard and tricky riddles at Howtodothings.com.
Of interest, according to a new report published by the Boston-based research group Pioneer Institute, the Common Core math standards will not prepare U.S. students for advanced math classes that, consequently, will see lower enrollments. This situation, the report’s authors say, will ultimately lead to a dumbing down of college STEM curricula. Read more here.
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What do you get when you cross the Atlantic With the Titanic(Riddle) #titanic #riddle #ocean
Question: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?
Answer: Half way there.
Sadly, the Titanic never made it across the Atlantic Ocean.
Try these riddles:
What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
What do you get when you cross a humming bird with a doorbell?
Get the answers to these and more at Humor and Wisdom.
Learn some riddle writing tips at Scholastic.
Speaking of riddles, multiple studies address riddles of the Moon's origin.
The Moon may have been formed by a collision between Earth and an object that was strikingly similar in composition to our own planet. This could help resolve why Earth and Moon rocks are much more similar than we would expect from this "giant impact hypothesis".
The study is one of three published in the prestigious journal Nature. Find out more at the BBC News.
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Why did the backpacker carry a flashlight? and why didnt the piano work?
Question: Why did the backpacker carry a flashlight? Answer: He wanted to lighten his load.
Question: Why didn't the piano work? Because it only knew how to play.
Here are a few more jokes with a clever play on words:
Question: Why did the baker work overtime? Answer: Because he kneaded the dough.
Question: Why did the burglar break into a music shop? Answer: He wanted to get his hands on the lute.
Question: Why did the bat miss the bus? Answer: Because he hung around for too long.
Believe it or not, laughter is good for you. Just 10 to 15 minutes of it raises your heart rate between 10% and 20% helping burn an extra 10 to 40 calories a day. That's a four-pound weight loss over a year!
Speaking of jokes, a re-lease of Anchorman 2 plans to have audiences in stitches with its 763 new ones. Visit USA Today for more details.
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Answer this question/riddle.... Where do aliens leave their ships. #parkingmeter #spacecraft #riddle
Where do astronauts leave their spaceships? At parking meteors! (meters). Here are some of our favorites: 1) What goes TICK-TICK, WOOF-WOOF? A watchdog! 2) What is smarter than a talking bird? A spelling bee! 3) What is the richest fish? A goldfish. 4) What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad! 5) What's a vampire's favorite sport? Batminton! 6) Why did the whale cross the road? To get to the other tide! Don't forget laughter is the best medicine!
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AMZGTEARS
Mice cry to keep their eyes wet. They've found male mouse tears contain a sex pheromone that acts as an aphrodisiac that ends up in their fur and nest.
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Riddle why are mr and mrs numbers so happy #mrs
Because they're going to have a "little one" (little 1)! Congratulations!
Try this:
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Arithmetic go to a counselor?
What did Mr. Squirrel send his ex-girlfriend after they broke up?
Why didn't the shark have to pay cash at the counter?
Find out the answers here.
Check out more riddles here:
* http://www.rinkworks.com/brainfood/p/riddles1.shtml
* http://www.funology.com/riddles/
* http://thinks.com/riddles/a1-riddles.htm
* http://www.riddles.com/
Just In! Scientists are unlocking the riddle behind a planet orbiting two stars. A team of researchers may have found the solution to the problem, using a set of complex computer models. Check out more at Forbes.
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What did the spanish farmer say to his chicken #jokes #chicken
Q: What did the Spanish farmer say to his chicken?
A: Oh lay (ole!).
The expression "ole" is Spanish is similar to Bravo!
Here's more animal jokes:
Q: What do you get when you cross a hen and a shark? A: A chicken of the sea.
Q: What do cows read? A: The moos-paper.
Q: Where do cows go on vacation? A: Moo York.
Q: What did the porcupine say when he ate the Vindaloo? A: This tastes very spiky.
Q: What happens when a dog stays in the sun too long? A: It turns into a hot dog.
Q: Why did the snail want an ‘S’ on his car? A: So people would say, ‘Look at that ‘S’-car’-go.
Q: What is the difference between a tuna fish and a guitar? A: You can’t tune a fish.
Q: Why did the cow eat a chocolate bar? A: Because he wanted to have chocolate milk.
Q: Where do pigs keep their savings? A: In piggy banks.
Q: Where do cows go on vacation? A: Cow-lifornia.
Get more of these jokes at Tripod.com - Chef Tunes' Favourite Jokes.
Stunned silence isn't the response most of us are looking for when we tell a joke. Know the tips and tricks on how to tell a joke for guaranteed laughter at Comic Wonder.
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What do you get when you cross the Atlantic With the Titanic(Riddle) #titanic #riddle #ocean
Question: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?
Answer: Half way there.
Sadly, the Titanic never made it across the Atlantic Ocean.
Try these riddles:
What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
What do you get when you cross a humming bird with a doorbell?
Get the answers to these and more at Humor and Wisdom.
Learn some riddle writing tips at Scholastic.
Speaking of riddles, multiple studies address riddles of the Moon's origin.
The Moon may have been formed by a collision between Earth and an object that was strikingly similar in composition to our own planet. This could help resolve why Earth and Moon rocks are much more similar than we would expect from this "giant impact hypothesis".
The study is one of three published in the prestigious journal Nature. Find out more at the BBC News.
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What did the spanish farmer say to his chicken #jokes #chicken
Q: What did the Spanish farmer say to his chicken?
A: Oh lay (ole!).
The expression "ole" is Spanish is similar to Bravo!
Here's more animal jokes:
Q: What do you get when you cross a hen and a shark? A: A chicken of the sea.
Q: What do cows read? A: The moos-paper.
Q: Where do cows go on vacation? A: Moo York.
Q: What did the porcupine say when he ate the Vindaloo? A: This tastes very spiky.
Q: What happens when a dog stays in the sun too long? A: It turns into a hot dog.
Q: Why did the snail want an ‘S’ on his car? A: So people would say, ‘Look at that ‘S’-car’-go.
Q: What is the difference between a tuna fish and a guitar? A: You can’t tune a fish.
Q: Why did the cow eat a chocolate bar? A: Because he wanted to have chocolate milk.
Q: Where do pigs keep their savings? A: In piggy banks.
Q: Where do cows go on vacation? A: Cow-lifornia.
Get more of these jokes at Tripod.com - Chef Tunes' Favourite Jokes.
Stunned silence isn't the response most of us are looking for when we tell a joke. Know the tips and tricks on how to tell a joke for guaranteed laughter at Comic Wonder.
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How might a pcychiaytist describe a paper plate #psychiatrist #punchline
Q: How might a psychiatrist describe a paper plate?
A: It's dishfunctional (haha!!) (play on "dysfunctional")
Here's some psychologist and psychiatrist jokes from Workjoke.com:
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"
Neurotics build castles in the sky. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists collect the rent.
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
In joke buzz, comedienne Joan Rivers joked about seven-month-old Nori - Kim Kardashian's daughter with rapper fiancé Kanye West as part of her latest stand-up comedy routine. Read more at the Daily Mail.
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This is a riddle.where does the smell of a skunk go? #skunk #smell
No one nose!! Another riddle: How do you keep a skunk from smelling? Plug their nose!!
Skunks are legendary for their hard-to-remove, horrible-smelling spray that is produced by glands under their tail. There are many different kinds of skunks that come in a variety of sizes and patterns, however, they are all black and white. Skunks usually nest in burrows and give birth to between 2 and 10 young a year called kits. They eat fruit and plants, worms, insects, eggs, larvae, reptiles, small mammals, and even fish.
Most all types of skunks live in the Americas, except for the Asian stink badgers, which were recently added to the skunk family!
On September 6, 2012, middle schoolers in Milwaukee came close to getting sprayed when they found a skunk with its head stuck in a wide-mouth plastic jar. The little guy eventually freed itself and ran off, without spraying the students.
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What did the baby buzzard say when it saw an orange in the nest? #baby #buzzard #nest
Question: What did the baby buzzard say when it saw an orange in the nest?
Answer: "Look at the orange mama laid!" (Referring to "orange marmalade")
Try some of these math riddles:
You have 7 tennis b@lls that are all identical but one of them is slightly lighter than the others. Using a balance scale and only two separate weightings, how can you find the light tennis ball?
Two boys, Trevor and Tyler, are running a 100 meter race. The first time they race Trevor beats Tyler by 5 meters. To make things fair, the next time they race Trevor stands 5 meters behind the starting line. Who wins the second race (assuming they run the same speed as the first race)?
There are five hen and rooster pairs. Each pair has one baby every month. How many chickens will there be in one year?
There are 100 passengers boarding a 100 passenger airplane. When passenger 1 gets onto the plane, he is disoriented, so he randomly picks a seat. Each of the remaining passengers (2, 3, 4, etc.) get onto the plane and take their seat if it is available or picks one of the remaining seats at random if it is not. What is the chance that the last passenger (passenger 100) will get his seat?
You can view the answers at Good Riddles Now.
The single most important thing to remember when attempting to solve hard riddles is that they are meant to trick you. Learn to answer hard and tricky riddles at Howtodothings.com.
Of interest, according to a new report published by the Boston-based research group Pioneer Institute, the Common Core math standards will not prepare U.S. students for advanced math classes that, consequently, will see lower enrollments. This situation, the report’s authors say, will ultimately lead to a dumbing down of college STEM curricula. Read more here.
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Why did the backpacker carry a flashlight? and why didnt the piano work?
Question: Why did the backpacker carry a flashlight? Answer: He wanted to lighten his load.
Question: Why didn't the piano work? Because it only knew how to play.
Here are a few more jokes with a clever play on words:
Question: Why did the baker work overtime? Answer: Because he kneaded the dough.
Question: Why did the burglar break into a music shop? Answer: He wanted to get his hands on the lute.
Question: Why did the bat miss the bus? Answer: Because he hung around for too long.
Believe it or not, laughter is good for you. Just 10 to 15 minutes of it raises your heart rate between 10% and 20% helping burn an extra 10 to 40 calories a day. That's a four-pound weight loss over a year!
Speaking of jokes, a re-lease of Anchorman 2 plans to have audiences in stitches with its 763 new ones. Visit USA Today for more details.
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Riddle why are mr and mrs numbers so happy #mrs
Because they're going to have a "little one" (little 1)! Congratulations!
Try this:
Why did Mr. and Mrs. Arithmetic go to a counselor?
What did Mr. Squirrel send his ex-girlfriend after they broke up?
Why didn't the shark have to pay cash at the counter?
Find out the answers here.
Check out more riddles here:
* http://www.rinkworks.com/brainfood/p/riddles1.shtml
* http://www.funology.com/riddles/
* http://thinks.com/riddles/a1-riddles.htm
* http://www.riddles.com/
Just In! Scientists are unlocking the riddle behind a planet orbiting two stars. A team of researchers may have found the solution to the problem, using a set of complex computer models. Check out more at Forbes.
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What do you call a bar of soap that doesnt clean its a joke #joke
The joke goes like this: What do you call a bar of soap that doesn't clean? A rubba dub DUD!
Here's a few more jokes about soap:
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a packet of soap powder? Bubble and Squeak!
Why did the stupid sailor grab a bar of soap when his ship sank? He thought he could wash himself ashore!
How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face? I forgot to wet the soap!
Want more good, clean jokes for any age? Visit Aha Jokes.
Speaking of jokes, American Pie star Jason Biggs is facing public scrutiny after tweeting a rather tastless one linking the reality show The Bachelor and the missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370. Learn more from News.com.au.
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What do you call a group of factory foremen who sing while drinking tab cola and eating crab apples
Q: What Do You Call a Group of Factory Foreman Who Sing While Drinking Tab Cola and Eating Crab Apples?
A: The Foreman Tab And Apple Choir.
See this pdf page to answer this riddle in a smarter way.
Here are some tricky riddles based on real math concepts and can be solved with purely math and logic (thanks to GoodRiddlesNow.com):
Question 1: Mr. Smith has two children. If the older child is a boy, what are the odds that the other child is also a boy?
Question 2: Does a pound of gold or a pound of feathers weight more?
Question 3: There is a chain nailed to the wall. The chain is 10 feet long and the center of the chain dips down 5 feet from where each side of the chain is nailed to the wall. How far are the 2 ends of chain from each other?
Question 4: What 3 positive numbers give the same result when multiplied and added together?
Question 5: What number do you get when you multiply all of the numbers on a telephone's number pad?
Question 6: A claustrophobic person gets on a train. The train enters a tunnel just as it is leaving the station. Where is the best place for him to sit?
Question 7: There are several books on a bookshelf. If one book is the 4th from the left and 6th from the right, how many books are on the shelf?
Question 8: John has been hired to paint the numbers 1 through 100 on 100 apartments.
Question 9: What's the angle between minute hand and hour hand at a quarter past three?
Question 10: Mr. Smith has 4 daughters. Each of his daughters has a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
Find out the answers and get more of these riddles here.
Get tips on how to solve a math brain teaser and land your dream job from QuickandDirtyTips.com.
Think you're smart? Then you need to check out this difficult math riddle at 7online.com.
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What did Mrs. Margarine think About her sisters husband? #jokes
Q: What did Mrs. Margarine think About her sister’s husband?
A: Mrs. Margarine thinks that her sister's husband is a terrific “butter” in law (haha – play on brother-in-law!)
A good one deserves more:
Funny Relationship Jokes Collection | Laugh Factory via kwout
Funny Relationship Jokes Collection | Laugh Factory via kwout
Funny Relationship Jokes Collection | Laugh Factory via kwout
Funny Relationship Jokes Collection | Laugh Factory via kwout
Many people shy away from telling jokes because they once told one that fell flat or they are afraid of appearing silly or of offending someone. Get tips on how to tell a good joke from Lifehack.org.
Find out the 20 Greatest Standup Specials of All Time, featured at SplitSider.com.
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Where do tadpoles in the pawn shop come from #joke #tadpoles #pawnshop
The answer to that joke is from a frog pawned. Get it... ("frog pond").
Of 43,892 monologue jokes about public figures and public affairs tracked by a study conducted by George Mason University's Center for Media and Public Affairs., former President Bill Clinton was the target of 4,607 — about one out of every 10, dating back to 1992. Find out more here.
A recent study in BMJ (formerly the British Medical Journal) reports that too much laughter might not only harm, but kill you. It can dislocate your jaw, prompt asthma attacks, make hernias protrude and cause incontinence. There’s also a report that says it can also lead to cardiac arrhythmia and death. Find out more at amny.com.
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Why did the backpacker carry a flashlight? and why didnt the piano work?
Question: Why did the backpacker carry a flashlight? Answer: He wanted to lighten his load.
Question: Why didn't the piano work? Because it only knew how to play.
Here are a few more jokes with a clever play on words:
Question: Why did the baker work overtime? Answer: Because he kneaded the dough.
Question: Why did the burglar break into a music shop? Answer: He wanted to get his hands on the lute.
Question: Why did the bat miss the bus? Answer: Because he hung around for too long.
Believe it or not, laughter is good for you. Just 10 to 15 minutes of it raises your heart rate between 10% and 20% helping burn an extra 10 to 40 calories a day. That's a four-pound weight loss over a year!
Speaking of jokes, a re-lease of Anchorman 2 plans to have audiences in stitches with its 763 new ones. Visit USA Today for more details.
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